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  • Services
    • Individual Therapy
    • EMDR Therapy
    • Children’s Therapy
    • Teen Therapy
    • Couples Therapy
    • Family Therapy
    • CBT Counseling
  • Counseling Team
    • Denver, NC
    • Concord, NC
    • Mooresville, NC
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    • Mooresville, NC
    • Denver, NC
    • Concord, NC
  • New Clients
  • Virtual Links
  • Blog
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  • Services
    • Individual Therapy
    • EMDR Therapy
    • Children’s Therapy
    • Teen Therapy
    • Couples Therapy
    • Family Therapy
    • CBT Counseling
  • Counseling Team
    • Denver, NC
    • Concord, NC
    • Mooresville, NC
  • Locations
    • Mooresville, NC
    • Denver, NC
    • Concord, NC
  • New Clients
  • Virtual Links
  • Blog
  • MYIO Portal
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Our Inner Voice Impacts to Mental Health

by Lisa Williams, LCSWJune 23, 2023 Emotional Health0 comments

The Inner Voice from within….

We all have an inner voice, one that speaks to us throughout the day and helps to guide many of our decisions and behaviors. Sometimes this voice is kind and at times it is critical. This voice offers sound advice one moment and then tells us we are unworthy the next. For many people, the challenge is learning to decipher the negative self-talk that goes on in their head and to correct it with truth. This can be especially difficult to do, however, when one lacks awareness and has become accustomed to a self-critical and limiting narrative. Fortunately, it is possible to correct this chatterbox and to develop an inner voice that maintains a healthy, well-balanced perspective.

When it comes to self-talk or our inner narrative, it is helpful to think of the tone. When we read literature, for example, the narrator of the story has a certain tone, which may come from a variety of vantage points. Whether told in first- or third-person, the narrator’s voice is one of authority and frames the events and perspectives of the story. Your inner voice has the same role in that it is constantly narrating the events, interactions, and decisions of your daily life. This voice is developed in early childhood and may take many tones throughout the lifespan. For those who grew up in loving, nurturing homes, for instance, the tone of this voice may be patient or flexible. For those who have endured abuse or trauma, on the other hand, this voice may be one of self-doubt and perfectionism.

 

How to Examine your Inner Voice

There are some helpful questions to ask yourself when first learning to distinguish the tone and vantage point of your inner voice. These include, but are not limited to, the following:

  • Is the voice (or self-talk) recurring?
  • Is this my voice talking or the voice of someone I know?
  • Is this voice building me up or putting me down?
  • Is the voice coming from a place of fear or possibility?
  • Would I talk to someone I love or care about in this tone?
  • Is my narrative balanced or one-sided?
  • Is my self-talk based upon experience or “what-if” scenarios?

Take Inner Voice Work One Step Further

Sometimes it is helpful to journal the self-talk you engage in to begin identifying themes and tones. Unfortunately, people are so accustomed to the negative narrative they tell themselves that they have never questioned it. Journaling these thoughts serves as a type of mirror to help build your awareness and to address thoughts that need changing. Talking to a trusted friend or family member can also be helpful so long as this person is someone who can remain relatively objective and provide loving and honest feedback. Finally, working with a therapist can also be instrumental in teaching you to identify thoughts that need adjustment, learn skills of reframing and rewriting your narrative, and develop healthy coping mechanisms to deal with daily stressors, anxiety, and depression.

 

Choose the Voice that Encourages Growth

Amending your self-talk isn’t just about saying nice things to yourself, although that is certainly part of it. And, it isn’t saying things that are unrealistic, a Pollyana syndrome of sorts. Rather, it is more about choosing the way in which you frame thoughts, behaviors, interactions with others, and life events. It also often includes speaking truths to yourself that you might not yet believe. Truths such as “I am beautiful, capable, a good mom/dad, worthy, loveable, intelligent, empowered,” etc. We can choose to engage in self-talk that fuels the voice of shame in our head or we can recognize that voice, call it out, reframe it, and rewrite the narrative it speaks.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Narrative Therapy are two modalities that help to address the process described in this article. If you would like to learn more about these options please contact us. We look forward to serving you!

Sarah Groff, LCMHCS

 

Written by Sarah Groff, LCHMC

Sarah has been part of the Miracles Counseling Centers team for over 7 years. She treats adolescents through adults on issues of marriage and divorce, blending families, depression, anxiety, and adjustment to issues specific to teens and young adults. She is presently pursuing her PhD in Developmental Psychology at Liberty University. 

 

 

 

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What to know about EMDR Therapy

by Lisa Williams, LCSWJune 9, 2023 Child & Adolescent Mental Health, Emotional Health, Traumatic Injuries0 comments

 All you need to know about EMDR therapy

EMDR…Have you heard that acronym yet? Maybe a friend is using it with their therapist. Or maybe you have seen TV show therapists (Grey’s Anatomy or Criminal Minds) talk about its use and perform EMDR.  Don’t forget, what you see on TV rarely is done in reality! For counseling professionals, this tool is becoming preferred due to ground breaking research on the intersection of neuroscience and psychology. Have I peaked your curiosity yet? Read on to learn more and see if EMDR could be for you.

Can EMDR help with my symptoms?

Yes! Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a therapy tool developed in 1987 by Francine Shapiro, PhD. EMDR has quickly become the preferred treatment approach for individuals struggling issues that stem from traumatic life events. Importantly, understand that the term ‘trauma’ can be used, and there is a common misunderstanding that has to mean something exceedingly terrible. We all experience life uniquely.  A traumatic impact is to be personally defined by the individual’s experience. What makes EMDR so beneficial is that it focuses on the person’s individual experience. This is important, because this is how the brain assimilated that experience internally. This internalization of the experience is where trauma is formed.

Who is EMDR effective for?

Because of this, EMDR is a exceptional tool for many issues beyond post traumatic symptoms. EMDR is used to support treatment of addictions, depressive disorders, anxiety and panic disorders, phobias, complex grief reactions, individuals with chronic physical health issues, and much more. In fact, EMDR can also be used in treating these same issues in children. All people can experience great gains from working with a therapist who uses EMDR!

Science behind EMDR

EMDR

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an interactive psychotherapy technique. It is a very focused approach for treating trauma and other symptoms. EMDR reconnects the client in a safe and measured way to the images, self-thoughts, emotions, and body sensations associated with the trauma, and allows the natural healing powers of the brain to move toward adaptive resolution. It is based on the idea that traumatic experiences have overwhelmed the brain’s natural coping capacity, and that the healing process can be facilitated through eye movements. These eye movements are called bilateral stimulation. Bilateral stimulation helps the brain to reassimilate an understanding of those past events in the context of the present, safe environment of the therapist’s office.  Therefore, simultaneously allowing the strengths the client now possesses to help support the mind’s understanding of the current stance of the self.

EMDR is used in conjunction with typical talk therapy modalities, and so you will still have an opportunity to develop a relationship and explore additional aspects of your life as needed.

How will I benefit from EMDR?

Can this help me? Absolutely! EMDR has been the most studied psychological treatment tool in the last 30 years. Study after study show the majority of people who initially present with symptoms of depression or anxiety, PTSD symptoms, and dissociative issues all demonstrate improvement through their work using EMDR. For a comprehensive list of clinical trials and meta analysis studies on the efficacy of EMDR, follow this link.  https://www.emdr.com/research-overview/

The length of time for an individual to experience positive results depends on the presenting issue and the complexity of the trauma. What’s. more, therapists can adapt treatment focus if it is necessary for you to keep your services brief. For complex trauma issues this is not advisable and you may want to engage into a different therapeutic modality. It would be important for you to address this issue with your therapist. Lastly, EMDR can still be used within the standard clinical hour.

Who can provide EMDR therapy?

In conclusion, now that you know more you might be intrigued enough to want to explore EMDR further with a therapist. Ensuring you are matching yourself with a therapist who has the training and experience in correctly using this modality is important. Here are a few things that you can ask to fully understand your therapist’s competence in providing EMDR therapy:

–What organization sponsored your training in EMDR?

*EMDR clinicians who receive training from EMDRIA are taught comprehensively in the EMDR protocol.

–Are you certified in EMDR?

*Certified EMDR therapists have spent additional supervision hours post initial training under the consultation with a Certified Consultant to enhance their knowledge and skill base.

-How often and when do you use EMDR in your clinical practice?

*This will help you to inform you of their experience and application in using EMDR with clients.

There is much information to absorb here. Do you want to learn more? Take a moment and watch this youtube video created by EMDRIA for additional information. Many of our therapists are trained in EMDR and will work with you in your journey towards wellness.  Please visit our clinician’s page to find a provider that can serve you!

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Giving Focus on Your Relationship Health

by Lisa Williams, LCSWApril 28, 2023 Relationships0 comments

Tips for a healthy marriage and partnership

Written by: Amy Buchanan, LCMHCA

There is a large misconception that people who seek couple’s counseling are all in crisis. This is like saying that all people who exercise are overweight. Actually, there are many benefits to maintaining a strong marriage or relationship, much like regularly caring for your body through daily physical activity. Life throws us many challenges and it has been my experience that the ups and downs of life are navigated easier when couples regularly take time to make their relationship a priority.

Healthy Marriages Take Work

Professional marriage therapy provides a strong foundation for emotional stability and problem solving for when unexpected challenges are faced. Beyond being happy together, the benefits of a healthy and strong marriage are vast. They include improved physical health, better physical fitness, longer lifespan, decrease in stress, higher self-esteem, improved productivity at work, higher median income, healthier and happier children, greater sense of purpose and meaning, and an overall sense of community, belonging and support.

Although every couple is unique with different personalities, backgrounds, and beliefs, there are some common factors that will be addressed in couples therapy. Importantly, these topics improve the odds for long term happiness and success. Healthy couples have a fondness for each other including finding the good in each other. Healthy couples share dreams and goals with each other. Additionally, healthy relationships turn toward each other in times of crisis instead of away from each other, and they work toward conflict management instead of avoiding it. Lastly, healthy marriages have a positive perspective that includes a five to one average ratio of positive interactions to negative.

Tips on increasing focus on your relationship

Making time for your spouse or partner is critically important to the overall health of your relationship as well as laying a foundation for longevity.  The three most common subjects that couples argue about are communication, sexual intimacy, and finances. Arguments and conflict cannot be completely avoided. However, dedicating time to each other to focus on these common areas can reduce the frequency and intensity of the conflict.  There are five essential commitments that invest in a healthy marriage:

  • 30 minutes of daily conversation
  • 1 hour a week “state of the union” to discuss household business.
  • Weekly couple only date
  • Daily cuddle time or physical touch
  • Establishing rituals about sex

 

Date Night Ideas to Build Connection

During the summer it can be difficult to find the time to commit to daily and weekly communications. However, the investment will pay off in long term dividends through a fulfilling marriage and strong family system. Having a date night can be simple and inexpensive if you are creative! Take advantage of happenings in the local community to get out and enjoy time together. Dating can be playful, adventurous, romantic, or practical. Some ideas for summer dates include:

  • Taking a walk or hike
  • Sitting outside to look at the stars
  • Plan and cook a meal together
  • Learn a new sport together
  • Learn couple’s massage
  • Write love letters to each other
  • Go fishing together
  • Plan a picnic
  • Play a board game or card game together
  • Read a book together

Your family is worth the investment to find joy, satisfaction, health, and happiness. Couples counseling can provide that fresh perspective for your relationship. I love using tools like The Five Love Languages, the Enneagram, challenges and homework to make the process fun and engaging. Adding new ideas, ways to communicate, and accountability can help with recurring issues in a marriage or get couples out of a slump. Remember, you get out of it when you put into it!

Amy Buchanan, LCMHCA is a Gottman Trained therapist and passionate advocate for healthy marriages. She has a special interest in serving first responders and is trained in using Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). She is available for scheduling in Denver & Mooresville as well as virtually. You can visit her bio and learn more about her here.

 

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Commit to building wellness in your life!

by Lisa Williams, LCSWJuly 27, 2022 Emotional Health0 comments

August is National Wellness Month!

August is National Wellness Month! Our wellness is about how all aspects of our lives come together and influence our overall state of well-being. It is not just the absence of a mental illness. Overall wellness is something that we can all consistently strive for. At Miracles, we think total wellness is important and are committed to helping you improve your well-being for a happier and healthier lifestyle.

Because our mental wellness is determined by the ways in which different aspects of our lives come together, it is broken up into 8 dimensions. To gain a better understanding of your current state of well-being and how you can work to improve it, we will provide a breakdown of each dimension. You may realize that, while you have achieved wellness in some dimensions, other dimensions may be negatively affecting your overall wellness. These can be focus areas for personal improvement.

Emotional Wellness     Our awareness, understanding, and acceptance of our emotions, as well as our ability to memotional wellness anage challenges and change. Being emotionally well allows us to identify and accept how we are feeling, then decide how we want to respond. We can express our feelings without any constraints, which leads to a happier life.

How to achieve it: Accept that emotions occur and allow them to be felt; Embrace a positive outlook; Practice mindfulness; Be grateful; Seek help from others when needed; Develop coping skills or ways to manage stress

Occupational Wellness  Our ability to achieve a balance between work and leisure in a way that promotes occupational wellnessenrichment and personal satisfaction. The way we feel about our work affects our overall well-being. When we do not feel a sense of enjoyment or fulfillment from our careers, we can become depressed. When we are content with our careers, we experience greater proficiency, productivity, commitment, energy, & enthusiasm.

How to achieve it: Set realistic goals and work toward them; Reflect on yourself and your needs; Seek motivating and interesting work; Practice open communication and conflict management with colleagues; Find ways to enjoy daily tasks; Focus on the positives in your job

Social Wellness      How we interact with others. It is about how connected we feel to our community and our ability social wellnessto maintain healthy relationships. It is important for us to have a supportive social network to rely on. The quality of our relationships affects our identity, self-esteem, & other dimensions of wellness. Strong social wellness also builds emotional resilience.

How to achieve it: Reflect on yourself and your social needs; Make connections; Stay in touch with supportive family and friends; Practice self-disclosure; Join a club or organization; Balance personal and social time; Create healthy boundaries.

 Financial Wellness    Our ability to understand and successfully mange financial expenses. Financial wellness financial wellnessinvolves being informed about financial concerns and prepared for financial changes. Finance is a common source of stress, anxiety, and fear. Financial wellness allows us to enjoy our lives, while living within our means. Investing in our financial wellness now can help us be prepared for future financial constraints and life’s challenges.

How to achieve it: Find your why- what motivates you financially?; Keep organized records of your finances; Plan ahead and set budget goals; Limit impulsive spending;   Avoid multiple lines of credit; Don’t put it off- identify problems before they start!

 Intellectual Wellness   Engaging in a variety of mentally stimulating activities to help us organize our intellectual wellnessexperiences, problem solve, think creatively and expand our knowledge. Intellectual wellness encourages learning, exploration, and curiosity. When we are curious, we are motivated to try new things, improve skill sets, challenge ourselves, and become more open-minded.

How to achieve it: Academic, cultural, and community involvement; Pick up a hobby; Travel; Explore new avenues of creativity and artistic expression; Practice critical thinking; Find practical applications for learning

Environmental Wellness Being aware of, caring about, and interacting with nature and your personal environmental wellnessenvironment. When we are more environmentally aware, we understand how our daily habits affect the environment. Environmental wellness encourages us to respect our environment and practice healthy habits that promote a healthy environment. Feeling more in control of our environment can also reduce anxiety.

How to achieve it: Conserve energy; Recycle; Spend time outdoors; Clean up after yourself or pick up litter; Practice sustainability

Physical Wellness     Taking care of our bodies for optimal health and functioning. Physical wellness involves taking physical wellnessresponsibility for our own health, being more aware of our physical well-being, and establishing a routine of making healthy choices. When we are physically well, we can balance physical activity, nutrition, and our mental well-being, leading to greater energy & functioning, and a reduced risk for depression.

How to achieve it: Maintain a healthy & well-balanced diet; Visit a primary care physician for regular checkups; Maintain a regular sleep schedule; Avoid/reduce activities or substances that negatively impact your body; Exercise regularly; Learn your body’s warning signs when it starts to feel ill

Spiritual Wellness      Exploring our personal values and beliefs and incorporating them into our daily lives. spiritual wellnessSpiritual wellness allows us to live with meaning and purpose, appreciate life experiences, and balance our inner self with the outside world. Being in tune with our spiritual selves can include believing in a religious faith, but it can also just mean learning about ourselves and how we see ourselves in the world.

How to achieve it: Explore your inner self- thoughts about who you are; Create a personal mission statement; Practice mindfulness, meditation, and/or prayer; Practice acceptance and compassion; Perform random acts of kindness, serve, or volunteer; Be curious; Look for a religious faith that you agree with

If you would like to work on a specific area in your life in order to improve your overall wellness, our therapists are here to help! We can help you identify the dimensions that you may be struggling with and work together to create a plan for how you can improve in these specific dimensions. We also understand that trying to balance wellness in all of these dimensions can be overwhelming and we are here to help you manage any anxiety that you may feel.

You can also follow along with us on Facebook for helpful videos and infographics related to mental wellness.

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Mental Health is the National Focus of May

by Lisa Williams, LCSWApril 29, 2022 Emotional Health, General0 comments

This month, Miracles Counseling Centers is joining the national movement to raise awareness about mental health. Millions of Americans are currently living with a mental illness, and this number is growing. The sad reality is that many of these individuals do not receive the support they need due to stigma or a lack of understanding surrounding mental health, the resources available to them, and the importance of seeking help. Mental health is a huge part of our overall health, so we must take care of it! This is why it is so important that we take time this month to engage in intentional conversations about mental health, fight against stigma, and show our support for those in our lives who are struggling. We want to start by sharing information on the mental health resources available to you! That’s why we’ve put together a list of some of the larger mental health advocacy groups out there and how they work to support mental health in our country. 


Mental Health America (MHA)

Who They Are: Mental Health America is a national community-based nonprofit that is focused on promoting mental health as a critical part of overall wellness, including prevention services for all, early identification for those at risk, early identification & intervention for those at risk, and integrated care, services, and supports for those who need them, with recovery as the goal. 

What They Do: MHA provides education and outreach to help Americans of all ages to better understand prevention, early identification, and intervention through access to online screening tools, information, and events. MHA collaborates with its over 200 affiliates in 41 states to bring information and referral, support groups, rehabilitation services, as well as socialization and housing services to those struggling with mental health issues and their loved ones in communities around the country. MHA also works with these affiliates to advance policy recommendations promoting mental health. 

Website: https://mhanational.org/ 


National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI)

Who They Are: The National Alliance on Mental Health is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. NAMI started as a group of families around a kitchen table in 1979 and is now an alliance of more than 600 local Affiliates and 48 State Organizations who work in our communities to raise awareness and provide support and education to those in need.

What They Do: NAMI offers educational classes, training, and presentations on various mental health topics. They advocate for public policy changes in favor of mental health. The toll-free NAMI HelpLine is available to anyone in need of emotional health support. NAMI leads public events and activities to fight mental health stigma in communities across the nation. Their website has lots of information on mental health conditions and their appropriate treatments, as well as blog posts that share personal stories.

Website: https://nami.org/home 


American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)

Who They Are: The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is a voluntary health organization that seeks to provide a national community for those affected by suicide in an effort to empower and advocate for them. AFSP’s mission is to save lives and bring hope to those in our country who have been impacted by suicide.

What They Do: The AFSP funds scientific research and advocates for public policies in mental health and suicide prevention. They also engage in efforts to educate the public about mental health and suicide prevention and provide support groups for survivors of suicide loss and those affected by suicide. Their website has information for individuals having suicidal thoughts, for those who have lost or are worried about someone, and those who have survived a suicide attempt.

Website: https://afsp.org/ 


Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA)

Who They Are: The Anxiety and Depression Association of America strives to improve the quality of life for individuals who struggle with anxiety and depression. 

What They Do: The ADAA works to find new treatments in hopes of one day preventing and curing anxiety, depressive, obsessive-compulsive, and trauma-related disorders. They offer education on these disorders, including articles, webinars, and other resources, to help individuals better understand anxiety and depression. The ADAA also offers training to help turn their research findings into practice. 

Website: https://adaa.org/ 


Child Mind Institute 

Who They Are: The Child Mind Institute is the leading independent nonprofit in children’s mental health. They are dedicated to transforming the lives of children and families struggling with mental health and learning disorders by giving them the help that they need. 

What They Do: The Child Mind Institute holds workshops, talks, and conversations for parents and families. They also have a Family Resource Center on their website, with parenting guides, a symptom checker tool to inform parents about possible diagnoses, a resource finder, and an option to submit questions. 

Website: https://childmind.org/

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What does high functioning anxiety or depression look like?

by Lisa Williams, LCSWApril 1, 2022 Anxiety and Stress, Depression, Emotional Health0 comments

You may have heard people around you using the term “high-functioning” to describe themselves and their mental health. Phrases such as high-functioning anxiety and high-functioning depression are being used more and more, but what do they mean?

High-functioning anxiety and depression are not technically clinical diagnoses because they are not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a handbook used by mental health professionals. However, many practitioners and researchers recognize that people can experience symptoms of anxiety or depression and continue to be highly functioning, productive individuals. Those who have high functioning anxiety or depression may not appear to struggle with it on the surface, despite experiencing symptoms internally. To others, they may seem to have it all together or go about their days as they normally would.

What Does High-Functioning Anxiety Look Like?

People with high-functioning anxiety may experience symptoms of anxiety disorders, such as excessive worrying most days, feelings of restlessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle tension, or trouble sleeping. However, these symptoms do not cause significant problems across areas of their lives and do not inhibit daily functioning. Some common characteristics of individuals with high-functioning anxiety include:

  • High-achieving, with a fear of failure
  • Extremely organized & detail-oriented
  • Engages in nervous habits, such as nail-biting, hair twirling, lip biting, leg shaking, etc.
  • Perfectionist with a harsh inner critic
  • Active & needs to keep “doing,” finding it hard to relax
  • Appears calm on the outside, but may have racing thoughts 
  • People pleaser who has a hard time saying no
  • Procrastinates when stressed 
  • Talks a lot or has nervous chatter
  • Overthinks and overanalyzes everything
  • Difficulty expressing emotions 
  • Need for repetitions and reassurance 
  • Tendency to dwell on the negative

What Does High-Functioning Depression Look Like?

Similarly to high functioning anxiety, individuals with high-functioning depression may not meet the criteria for a clinical diagnosis of depression, but are able to function normally most of the time. Thus, their depression is often not clear to others or themselves. Typical symptoms of depression would include persistent sad mood, feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and/or guilt, loss of interest in hobbies or activities, fatigue, irritability, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite or weight, or thoughts of death or suicide. The following may be characteristic of an individual with high-functioning depression:

  • Feeling a little down most of the time
  • Poor self-esteem
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Low energy and motivation 
  • Performs well at school or work, but has difficulty focusing on tasks
  • Crying a lot without any concrete reason
  • Forcing oneself to engage in social activities when they’d rather withdraw 
  • Feeling overwhelmed 
  • Feeling lonely 

The Role of Stress

Before determining whether or not you have high-functioning anxiety or depression, it is important to first consider current stressors and evaluate their impact on your life. April is National Stress Awareness Month. We all experience stress in response to challenging circumstances and some times are more stressful than others. This is our body’s normal response. However, if these symptoms persist well beyond a stressful event or are consistent and unrelated to specific stressors, you may be experiencing high-functioning anxiety or depression. 

This truly highlights the importance of good mental health care and scheduling check in’s with a mental health therapist. The opportunity for building insight and awareness of our emotional loads and the management of that load is done best with the help and insight of a professional who can guide you through this. Everyone should consider seeing a therapist! When you are ready to do so, you can visit our therapist’s page to find a clinician who fits you best. 

Sources: nimh.nih.gov, rtor.org, psyccentral.com, waldenu.edu, health.usnews.com, washingtonpost.com

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The impact addiction has on the family

by Lisa Williams, LCSWMarch 21, 2022 Addiction/Substance Use0 comments

addiction

It’s true, Addictions is a family disease

Addiction is difficult, and it can take a toll on relationships with our nearest and dearest. Our families are not just a group of people who live together. The family is a living, breathing, system that adapts to change. For instance, think of the last time a close family member had a serious illness. How did other family members respond?  In some circumstances some members become anxious, while others take charge. Some members delegate responsibilities. Others may feel doubt or helpless, unsure what to do.  All responding in ways to cope with the situation and their own feelings. It is the same with addiction. Addiction can go on for years and behaviors associated with addiction can cause chaos, feelings of helplessness, shame and guilt. This is true not only for the addict, but also for family members. Families cope by creating unspoken rules, like – ‘Don’t talk about the addiction,’ ‘Don’t express your feelings,’ and place blame elsewhere.  

These rules contribute to codependency within the family system. Research has show us dysfunction is displayed in the roles family members play to sustain as sense of normalcy in the family system. We will now review these roles.  

  • The Dependent is the individual that is the focus of the family. The family spends a lot of time and energy helping, controlling and protecting the dependent, to preserve the family system.  If the Dependent continues with maladaptive behaviors (usually dependence on substances, gaming, sex/porn, work, etc…) family members will take on specific roles to help themselves or others in the family. This is dynamic is done over time, unconsciously and with honorable intent.
  • The Enabler/Caretaker is the individual who the dependent is most dependent on. This person enables the dependent’s addiction and is usually a parent or spouse. They cover-up the Dependents behaviors protecting them from the consequences of their choices, thereby supporting their dysfunction. This “martyr” role correlates with high stress and negatively impacts the health and mental well-being of the Enabler/Caretaker. They carry all responsibility for maintaining normalcy of the family system. This occurs both in the home and outside the home.
  • The Hero Child. Typically the first-born child and is the one that is the “enabler in training”. They too cover-up and protect the Dependent with the goal of maintaining a sense of normalcy in the family system. A hero child is sometimes referred to as the “Golden Child”, usually high achieving, athletic students, responsible, independent and helpful. They provide value and worth to the family. The family is proud of this person. Without help, the Hero child’s maladaptive behaviors can result in repeating patterns of codependency and enabling a partner with chemical dependence.
  • The Scapegoat. These individuals are usually the only identified problem the family reports. This person may refer to themselves as the “black sheep” or “outsider” in the family. They will get into trouble at school, will avoid close relationships, having a “back-off” attitude.  The Scapegoat’s role is an important one, they carry the weight of all the projected family anger and tension, they take the attention off the Dependent person. Without help, the Scapegoat runs the risk of addiction, they seek attention through negative behaviors and this increases risk of unplanned pregnancy, difficulty maintaining employment, with risk of criminal activity.
  • The Lost Child: This family member flies below the radar, not wanting to be drawn into the family dysfunction. The Lost Child tends to be the creative loner, they present as withdrawn, quiet, without friends, are “followers” and struggle to make decisions. They provide “relief” for the family, “This is one child we don’t have to worry about.” They feel unimportant, lonely and high levels of anger. Without help the Lost child commonly struggles with depression, sexual identity and often die young, having a higher risk of suicide.
  • The Mascot: This person is typically the youngest child in the family. They provide respite from the family tension representing comic relief and fun. A mascot presents as hyperactive, immature and need to be the center of attention, may have learning disabilities and needs protection. They feel insecure, lonely, confused, and fear not belonging. Without help, they can’t handle stress, resulting in ulcers or other stress related health conditions. They continue to use humor to cope, can be compulsive and will frequently marry a caretaker.                     
    • -Adapted from work of Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse

Why is this important?

Dysfunctional codependent roles initially appear to be solving the problems instead they are hiding the problem and enabling the dependent to continue their unhealthy behaviors. Without help, family members will identify with their roles, and continue these maladaptive patterns in future relationships and model them for the next generation. Mental health Counseling can help reduce dysfunctional cognitive-behavioral patterns and teach healthy boundaries and coping skills that will go a long way to reducing risk for substance use, mental illness and improving quality of life now and for future generations. For a myriad of resources including hotlines to help you or family members get connected visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. 

 

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Supporting Teens Mental Health

by Lisa Williams, LCSWMarch 1, 2022 Teen Mental Health0 comments

A Guide to Supporting Teen Mental Health

If you are a parent of a teenager, you may be wondering how to best support your teen’s mental health, especially at a time when we are bombarded with stories about suicide, depression, Tik Tok trends, threats of school shootings, and so on. Parenting a teenager can often feel like trying to decode a complicated algorithm without the formula for doing so. While there is a myriad of resources available to assist parents in this journey, there are also some basic tenants to keep in mind which you can begin to apply today.

The Roller Coaster of Teen’s Emotional World

First of all, I want to encourage all parents and teens alike that these do not have to be the worst years of your life. True, adolescence involves a great deal of transition and growth, but it is not all negative and you are not doomed to years of heightened chaos and emotionality, as many believe. Second, it is crucial to understand what is happening during the teenage years so that you can keep your eye on the end game and not become lost in the daily process. Remember the reference to decoding your teen? Well, a huge part of that is recognizing the function of adolescence so that you as a parent do not misinterpret the ups and downs of behavior. In her book about the development of the teenage brain, Dr. Frances Jensen (2015) describes the process that goes into “building a brain” (p. 24). An adolescent brain possesses “an overabundance of gray matter (the neurons that form the basic building blocks of the brain) and an undersupply of white matter (the connective wiring that helps information flow efficiently from one part of the brain to the other)” (p. 26). Jensen likens the result of this developmental journey to that of obtaining “a brand-new Ferrari: it’s primed and pumped, but it hasn’t been road tested yet” (pp. 26-27). In other words, a teenager may look like an adult physically, but his/her brain is far from being fully prepared to make adult decisions or navigate adult emotions.

This information is important to keep in mind when trying to determine whether your teen’s behavior is the result of normal development or may be a warning sign of something deeper, such as a mental health concern. Admittedly, it can sometimes be difficult to discern the difference, which is why consistent communication and interaction is key. Assuming your teenager is fine or isn’t struggling because they are not acting out or vocalizing their struggle is not necessarily accurate. The reverse can also be true, however: not all teenage rebellion is the biproduct of anxiety or depression. The following paragraphs will attempt to outline symptoms and behaviors to pay attention to, as well as offer suggestions for providing support to your teen.

Signs and Symptoms of Teen Depression or Anxiety

This is by no means an exhaustive list and may vary in presentation from one individual to the next; however, here are some general signs or symptoms to be aware of in your teenager:

  • Sudden changes in behavior or habits that cannot be explained by a medical condition or other identifiable stressor
  • Increased conflict between peers or family members
  • Increased withdrawal and isolation
  • Excessive sleeping or an inability to sleep
  • Substance abuse
  • Promiscuous activity
  • Binge eating, purging or restriction of food
  • Excessive exercise
  • Lack of motivation or procrastination
  • Decreased performance in school or other activities
  • Self-harm or suicidal thought/ideation
  • Inability to focus or complete tasks; forgetfulness
  • Frequent lashing out in anger or heightened emotion
  • Frequent crying or an inability to stop crying

Understanding Your Teen’s Behavior

In order to know if these behaviors are new or unusual for your teen, it is necessary to keep tabs on their daily habits and activities and have a general awareness of their friends and the influence their peer group has on them. You don’t have to know all the details or micromanage (in fact, I advise against that), but you do need to take a regular pulse. Not only does this allow you to track patterns and notice possible problems, it also sends the message to your teen that you care and are interested in their life. Although many teens protest parental involvement, they actually do want to know you care. I cannot tell you how many teens tell me their parents are checked out, don’t care or don’t monitor their activities—they don’t say this with satisfaction, by the way; rather, it’s with a sad awareness that the adults in their life are not paying close enough attention.

            Maintaining Connection

You may be wondering how to maintain this connection without your teen pushing you away or feeling you have to stock them on social media. For starters, establish some kind of regular check-in. I tell my teenage daughter to “keep me in the loop,” so this might take the form of a conversation over dinner, after school, in the car on the way to an activity, or, more often than not, late at night. As a parent to teens, we have to be available when they are ready to talk, even if their timing doesn’t match with ours or is inconvenient. If you can’t make the time when they are ready to talk, assure them you will make it a priority and follow through with them. It is also advisable to occasionally monitor their on-line activity and discuss parameters of how to utilize social media. For example, Snap Chat is not the place to post pictures of self-harm or a cry for help. Not only can these messages negatively impact others who view this material, it often won’t result in intervention. Other kids are not equipped to help their friends, nor should they have to, so it is critical your teen knows of at least one adult they can go to in a crisis.

            Communicating With Your Teen

In addition to establishing a regular check-in or monitoring social media, make your home a place where your teen’s friends are welcome to hang out. This can provide you with a wealth of information about your child and allow you to truly assess their state of mind. Finally, never underestimate the power of a good old-fashioned question about how your teen is doing. Not everything has to be clandestine with adolescents. In fact, it is perfectly acceptable to ask your teen how they are doing. If they don’t feel comfortable talking, ask them to write you a letter or encourage them to talk to a counselor. The goal is to get them talking about their feelings and to create a safe space for them to process. In my experience, most teens would rather have a root canal than talk about their feelings, so your child may not get super deep with you, but at least they will know they can when push really comes to shove.

            Additional Tips for Maintaining Strong Mental Health

Some final suggestions for helping to support your teen’s mental health include making sure they get adequate sleep, eat regular meals, engage in some form of regular movement or exercise, have down time without being on a device, and have an open-door policy to talk with you whenever they choose to do so.

You and your Teen can Solve anything Together

Keep in mind that not every difficult or dramatic behavior from your teen is a sign of dysfunction. Part of their brain development includes learning to emote in healthy and constructive ways. They don’t always know what they are feeling or how to describe it, so it can be challenging for them to communicate the reason behind tears, eye rolls, angry outbursts, etc. Sometimes an adolescent’s acting out is trying to tell you something deeper and they aren’t necessarily trying to be difficult or disrespectful. By the way, one of the biggest complaints I hear from teens is that their parents demand respect but often yell at or criticize their teen, in return. While their brain may still be developing, they do see this for the double standard that it is. Keep your cool, Parents. Believe it or not, teenagers are capable of fairly high-level conversations and are often logical in their thinking—it just may not be the same as your way of thinking. Again, fostering an environment where conversation is invited and productive is key.

References

Jensen, F. E. (2015). The teenage brain: A neuroscientist’s survival guide to raising adolescents and young adults. HarperCollins.

Sarah Groff, LCMHC has worked in the mental health field for over 20 years in a variety of settings that have included the nonprofit and Sarah Groff, LCMHCprivate practice sectors. This work has ranged from providing counseling and support to birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees in the adoption field, to working with those infected with HIV/AIDS, to teaching undergraduate psychology courses, and now to private practice where she works with adolescents, individuals, couples, and families. Sarah truly loves her work and counts it as a privilege to come alongside clients in their most painful and celebratory moments of life. She has three children and has lived in the Lake Norman area for eight years.

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Self Love February!

by Lisa Williams, LCSWFebruary 1, 2022 Communication, Emotional Health0 comments

Focus on Self-Love this Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can bring up many different emotions for both singles and couples. However, regardless of relationship status, one thing we can all focus on this Valentine’s Day is self-love! Self-love involves showing yourself the same love and kindness that you’d show others and accepting yourself for who you are. It’s about putting some energy and effort into the relationship that you have with yourself. The concept may sound self-indulgent or narcissistic, but it is more about getting in touch with ourselves and our well-being, which can have great benefits for our mental health! So how can you love yourself this Valentine’s Day, no matter how much love you receive from others? Here are 10 tips for practicing self-love:

  • Treat yourself like your best friend: This is a great rule of thumb. You deserve the same kindness and care that you’d give to a friend, so give that to yourself! Listen to your needs and desires by taking time to check in on yourself then following that lead on you need more of next.
  • Challenge your inner critic: It’s easy to listen to your negative thoughts and become your own worst critic. Be mindful of the way you talk to yourself. When you start to feel self-criticism coming on, press pause, take a step back, ask yourself “Is this true?” and then consider what you’d tell a friend who was thinking that about themselves.
  • Engage in positive self-talk: Once you recognize and challenge a negative thought, replace it with something more positive. Take time to consider your positive qualities and the things you love about yourself. Write them down when you think of them to have when you need them most. 
  • Celebrate your accomplishments: No matter how big or small of a win, celebrate them all! Allow yourself to take time after a victory to be proud of yourself and your accomplishment before moving on to your next goal or challenge. You absolutely have something to celebrate about yourself!
  • Practice good self-care: Regular self-care is an act of self-love. Take care of your hygiene to let yourself know that you are worthy. Take care of your physical needs with a nourishing diet, exercise, and proper sleep. Practice self-care not because you have to, but because you care about you.
  • Spend time doing things that bring you joy: Make time each day for something that makes you happy or makes you laugh. This will increase your self-esteem, mood, & energy, and give you a sense of purpose. Try not to put pressure on yourself to instantly feel better, but just be fully present in what you’re doing.
  • Surround yourself with supportive people: Spend time with those that help you feel safe in being yourself and leave you feeling good. These people will help lift you up when you have self-doubts and encourage you to take chances in order to grow. Identify those in your life who are mostly negative and consider spending less time with them.
  • Establish boundaries: Learn to say no. Before committing to anything, pause and check in with yourself. Think about the implications. Taking on something that you can’t follow through on or do to the best of your abilities can lower your self-esteem. Setting personal limits will help to prevent you from overcommitting to people and experiences that are not aligned with your values or interfere with your self-acceptance.
  • Do something kind for someone else: Kindness releases serotonin (the “feel good” hormone). Though it might seem contradictory, engaging in acts of kindness or volunteering can actually boost your self-esteem and overall happiness, making it an act of self-love.
  • Give yourself compassion & forgiveness: Don’t believe the lie that you must do everything right. Give yourself grace to make mistakes and move on from them. Dwelling on mistakes allows negative thoughts to build up and consume you. Normalizing struggles, missed opportunities as being human and authentic is the most healthy and truthful thing you can say to yourself. 

However you might be feeling this Valentine’s Day, all of us at Miracles want you to know that you are special. There is no one else in this world like you. You deserve to be loved, not just by others, but by YOU! If you would like further guidance with self-love or self-acceptance, contact us about scheduling an appointment with one of our therapists. 

Sources: psychcentral.com, psychologytoday.com, lifehack.org, forbes.com

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How to build good relationships that support your mental health

by Lisa Williams, LCSWDecember 20, 2021 Relationships0 comments

How to build good relationships that support your mental health

Managing family relationships when you struggle with mental health issues can be a strain as we balance what we have been told to do by our therapists, and facing real life circumstances. When dealing with a mental health struggles, it is important to surround yourself with people who are supportive and understanding. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, especially during the holidays. Many family members are not understanding of depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges. Unsupportive loved ones may blame you for your symptoms, make cold and thoughtless comments, or even try to “solve” your mental illness, which can make coping with it even more difficult. So what can you do when the people who are supposed to be your greatest supporters are not? How can you survive holiday gatherings with these people? Here are some tips:

  1. Acknowledge the situation- Not everyone will understand and there may be a reason behind their feelings and behavior that has nothing to do with you. It is possible that their behavior is deeply ingrained based on beliefs that they were taught growing up (e.g. weakness in vulnerability; stigma around mental health) 
  2. Engage in positive self-talk- When seeking support, start with yourself. Practice treating yourself with kindness and compassion. Pay attention to your inner voice and what it’s telling you, challenging negative thoughts as they arise. 
  3. Understand that other people struggle too- Some family members may be unable to support you because they are dealing with their own mental health struggles. It’s not that they don’t care, they just might not have the internal resources to do more than take care of themselves at this time.
  4. Don’t believe misconceptions or myths about your mental illness- You may have family members who say hurtful things to you that are far from the truth. (e.g. calling you lazy or attention seeking). Listen to mental health professionals and don’t lose sight of the facts.
  5. Ask for help explicitly- Don’t be afraid to be direct and ask for what you really need. Some family members may actually be willing to support you, but they aren’t sure how or may not even realize that you need help.
  6. Control what you can- You may not be able to control where family gatherings take place or who will be there, but you can control whether you go or how long you plan to stay. Do whatever feels comfortable for you. Don’t force yourself into an uncomfortable or triggering situation. 
  7. Establish healthy boundaries- Unfortunately, some people may be negative and hurtful no matter what you do. If you have tried some of these tips and things do not change with a certain family member, you may need to distance yourself from this person or even cut ties. Although this may be very hard to do, it is likely having negative effects on your well-being and hindering your progress.   
  8. Prioritize self-care- Make time for activities that improve your mood, especially during the holidays or times when you’re planning to be around family. Doing something positive for yourself will help take the focus off unsupportive people and place it back on your personal wellness.
  9. Reach out to others for help- When your loved ones cannot provide you with the support that you need, don’t hesitate to seek outside help. Schedule an appointment with a mental health professional or join a support group. You may find that talking about your struggles with a stranger is easier than doing so with a family member, as you don’t have to worry about being judged. Feel free to check out our therapists at Miracles here to see who might be a good fit for you. 
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