When the Nest isn’t Empty

You may have anticipated this empty nest phase of your life, and planned to manage this as a normal life transition. However, things did not end up turning out as you thought that they would. You may still have adult children living at home. According to the 2021 Census 58% of adults aged 18-24 are living at home with their parents and 17% of adults aged 25-34 are living at home with their parents. This phenomenon of adult children returning to live at home with their parents is called “Boomerang Children.” The influences on the financial needs of Boomerang Children include a shortage of affordable housing, increased student loan debt, and employment volatility. Other factors include delayed milestones, personal development, and the need for health care support. Many families find themselves in this situation, and are attempting to find balance in how to have healthy relationships with these children, who are now adults, in their home.

Life with adult children in the home can cause unexpected stress.

The present circumstances may create conflict if the adult child has differing lifestyles, values or habits. Parents may experience a loss of privacy or have difficulty adjusting their roles with adult children. This can increase emotional distress including frustration, anxiety, and disappointment. Increased conflict in your marraige is likely if the two of you disagree on the approach of having adult children in the home again. Overall, strife can occur with so many individuals in the home attempting to share space once again. It’s natural for this new and unexpected transition to feel difficult.

What can help ease the stress during this challenging time?

Establish clear boundaries. Discuss together house rules, responsibilities, and timeframes to set expectations and avoid misunderstandings.
Create a supportive environment by engaging in open communication through active listening without expressing judgement.
Discuss finances openly and set an expectation to contribute to the household.
Balance freedom and structure by respecting their privacy while holding household standards.
Be patient. Give each other grace because adjusting to living together can be difficult for both parties.

Despite the challenging time of life together, it can also be a time of growth and joy. There are ways to continue to connect with your adult children andmake the most of this extended time together. It all starts with how we choose to look at the situation and decide to embrace it.

Share experiences. Spend time together intentionally on a regular basis doing something you both enjoy like watching a favorite show together, meeting up weekly at a favorite restaurant, taking an exercise class, or traveling.
Be open-minded. The younger generations have many things to offer including preferences in food, music, and décor. Be open to allowing them to teach you something.
Encourage their interests. Just like when they were younger, be their cheerleaders and show interest in their passions and pursuits.
Allow them to take a larger role in decision making. Allowing adult children to have input in holiday plans, meal choices, and household decisions will foster respect and provide opportunities for growth.
Reconnect with your spouse. This is especially important! After spending years raising your children and making them a priority it is critical to prioritize your marriage. This is important for YOU, but it also provides a role model for your adult children of what healthy relationships look like. Plan regular date nights, experience new things together, support each other’s roles, and start new traditions.

Counseling can help smooth the adjustment of Boomerang Childen in the home

Transitions can be difficult, especially when they do not happen as we expected. Counseling help is available when you find it difficult to process the new needs of the family or need support engaging in the difficult conversations. Putting off addressing concerns can allow difficulties to grow, This transition can be a beautiful experience with reasonable expectations and helpful tools.

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