Helping Your “Little One” Name “Big” Feelings

Does your little one ever come to you in tears, without actually saying what’s wrong? Perhaps you sometimes wonder which feeling is behind those tears, is it disappointment, hurt, loneliness? It is completely normal, for children, to use words like “sad” or “mad” when they’re really feeling something deeper. For some, they have no feeling words to describe what they are going through. Children cannot have the language until we teach them. Helping them put names to their emotions is one of the most powerful gifts you can give.

Why Naming Feelings Matters

Emotion naming also known as affect labeling does more than just add words to your child’s vocabulary. It helps them feel a little less overwhelmed. Research shows that labeling an emotion reduces stress, calms the amygdala, and gives kids more control over their feelings.

Additionally, children with a solid emotional vocabulary are healthier socially, less impulsive, and more focused in school. That’s because once kids can say “I feel frustrated,” rather than just “mad,” they also strengthen their ability to regulate their emotions and communicate what they need.

Everyday Ways to Support Your Child

Narrate Your Own Emotions

Try something like: “I feel really excited because I’m playing with you!” or “I’m frustrated because I lost my keys.” When kids hear emotion words multiple times a day in different contexts, it becomes normal for them too.

Use Emotion Charts or Faces

Print or buy a simple feeling wheel or poster, this display shows feelings named and faces that can help children identify what they feel. Imagine standing in front of a chart with your child seeing happy, sad, mad, proud, worried and asking “Which face matches how you feel?” If your child points to the worried one, you might respond, “It looks like you’re feeling worried. Did something happen at school?” This visual cue helps kids connect an internal feeling with a real word.

Play Storybook Emotions

While reading a story, pause and say: “How do you think that character is feeling? Why?” When you say, “She seems proud of finishing her puzzle, have you ever felt proud like that?” your child gets practice identifying and talking about complex feelings.

Act It Out: Charades Style

Turn emotion-naming into a game! Write feelings (like excited, upset, scared) on paper, let your child act one out, and guess together. After guessing, ask, “Have you ever felt that way? When?”

Tune Into the Body

Help children link physical sensations to emotions: “Your shoulders are tight, you might be feeling worried.” Or “Your tummy is all fluttery, could that be excitement?” This body awareness trick helps them label feelings more precisely.

What About Tough Moments?

If your child is having a meltdown your approach in that situation can either escalate and deescalate the situation. Oftentimes as parents it can be easy to jump straight to discipline, resolution, or dismissing feelings as means to salvage control and quiet.

Instead, try this two-step approach:

Pause and Breathe Together, say something like “Let’s take three deep breaths.” It may take a moment. Be patient. This can take some time as they try to get control of their breathing.
When things calm down a bit, gently say, “It seems like you felt really frustrated or overwhelmed. Do you want to tell me about it?”

That way, you’re modeling emotional regulation and helping them find the right word in a calmer, safer moment.

The Benefits to Naming Emotions are Many

The major benefit to have a high emotional understand is Stronger resilience. When kids name feelings like “disappointed” or “left out” instead of crying or hitting, they’re better able to manage those feelings next time. Children who have the ability to know their emotions also perform better academically and report great levels of life satisfaction. Other benefits include the following:

Better friendships: Being able to say “I feel hurt when you don’t share” helps friends understand and respect them.
Stronger bond with you: The more your child knows you “get” what they’re feeling, the more they’ll come to you with big issues as they grow.

Feelings are our friend! The goal isn’t to avoid feelings, it’s about naming them so we can manage them better. This is the message we want you to hear, allowing your child to reap the benefits! We know you want the best for your child and their future. This is a simple skill that costs nothing and will give them continued positive opportunities!

Request Counseling Support

If you feel your child needs more support in emotional recognition and communication counseling and play therapy may be a great next step. You certainly do not have to do this alone. We have seen amazing growth in children when we work with them on emotional language with the combination of understanding of their body responses. We’re here to help! Visit our Therapist Page to learn more about each provider in our practice, several of who have years of clinical experience ins upporting children and adolescents mental health.